one car, dependence and slowing down

About 2 months ago our 1993 Saturn wagon died, in fact it died on Easter Saturday and there was no resurrection on Easter Sunday (maybe upon the return of Jesus). So for the past two months Katrina and I have made a conscious choice to go to one car. I have seen God's hand and grace in this and have been learning lots of things in moving to one car with a 6 person family.

First of all it has caused me to slow down. In order for me to get to meetings I need to give myself more time to get there either, by foot, bike or bus. In those journey times I have time to enjoy the day, listen to God, see others in my neighborhood, listen to music or a podcast and just BE. One day while walking a whole five blocks to work I was able to stop and have three conversation with people from my neighborhood that if driving I would not have seen or connected with.

Secondly i have been forced to be dependent. Today i had an appointment that felt a bit out of my biking range and it was raining so i called Chris Brown to ask to borrow his car. I am also borrowing friends car all next week while they are in Germany. It has never been easy for me to ask for help and assistance but i am seeing the glory of God in this. Recently i preached on the Holy Spirit's role in the the ministry and life of Christ. I made the statement that Jesus was fully dependent on the Holy Spirit to accomplish his work and mission. I then asked, "what if what it means to be fully human and Christ-like is to be one who is fully dependent on the Holy Spirit. I thank God for the opportunity to live into that reality.

Thirdly, i am catching a minuscule glimpse of what many of my lower income neighbors deal with every day. Every day, I see single moms, with four kids in two waiting in the rain at a bus top to go get groceries. Only having one car doe not compare but it has given me a glimpse of identification with the poor.

Finally we are saving money on gas and car insurance; I am getting regular exercise and we are contributing less to the pollution of the creation and therefore bringing liberation and freedom to the bondage and decay of the creation.

Here is a prayer about walking the sidewalk i wrote last year that captures a bit of all this.

Thank you for the sidewalk
That leads me today
Slow my hustle to a shuffle
That you might,
Lift my head;
Open my eyes;
Soften my heart;
Guide my steps;
Open my mouth;
Extend my hand;
To meet and greet you

43,200 minutes...

...720 hours,
30 days
1 month...

that is how long it has been since i have posted on my blog.......................

a season and a time
for everything
for now
i have been....

awaiting an arrival
bending and breaking
corralling concerns
discerning direction
erasing my earnings
framing my fears
gazing at glory
hallowing my heart
ingesting infinity
joining the jester
kept by the keeper
learning to listen
marveling in moments
noticing the normal
ordering my oxygen
purposefully posturing
quieting the questions
resting from running
simmering in silence
trusting in time
undoing the urgent
vanquishing my voice
waiting for words
x-amining x-tras
yielding to yawns
zany with zzzzzzzzzz......

prayer as a fulcrom

I wrote this during my two days of solitude/retreat last week. It is not one of my best but here it is. It was inspired by a phrase in Eugene Peterson's book Where Your Treasure Is: Psalms That Summon You from Self to Community

Prayer

The stone hefty and huge
immovable, inflexible, impenetrable
for centuries and generations
just there
people and nations
children, parents, and grandparents
all
seeking and striving to
move it, destroy it,
for it is...
obtrusive and intrusive
an impediment
to progress and production
committees formed
strategies laid
technologies invented
days, weeks, months, and years
have past
sweat, blood and tears
flowed like rivers
still...
immovable, inflexible, impenetrable
obtrusive and intrusive

one day a young boy comes upon this stone
he stands still
watching...
listening...
discerning...
awareness deepening...
simultaneously...
a group of men are laboring
muscles bulging,
perspiration profusely pouring
and the b o a r d is b e n d i n g
the men stretching and groaning
lifting and laboring
arguing and fighting
striving to catapult this stone
out of their way

amidst all the sweating, striving and strife
the boy sees...
a simple small stone
insignificant in comparison
to the obtuse obtrusion
he... quietly and unassumingly
sticks the simple, small, stone under the board
fashioning a fulcrum
silently slips

amidst pushing shoving, shouting
one man falls on the board –
the stone is lifted
SILENCE!!!!
suddenly the stone is removed
burdens are bursting
celebrations commence
progress promoted
enemies erased
all by a simple, small, silent
point of leverage

Young Mary

During Advent we are focusing on Mary's Magnificent. There are 4 women from our community who are reflecting on this passage each week. I am thankful for capable and equipped women to preach, a mini-sabbath from preaching and the personal opportunity to reflect on the faithfulness of Mary who in birthing our Lord, "knew not all she contained." Renee who is kicking off this Advent series this week shared this poem with me from A Cry Like a Bell, by Madeleine L'Engle

"Young Mary"
I know not all of that which I contain.
I'm small; I'm young; I fear the pain.
All is surprise: I am to be a mother.
That Holy Thing within me and no other
is Heaven's King whose lovely Love will reign.
My pain, his gaining my eternal gain
my fragile body holds Creation's Light;
its smallness shelters God's unbounded might.
The angel came and gave, did not explain.
I know not all of that which I contain.

May we too be God-bearers this season even if we like Mary know not all we contain.

My good freind Jake!

My good friend Jake moved to Seatle today and I thought I would share with you many of the things I love about this guy. So here is poem I wrote for and about Jake for his 30th birthday this past year! I and (we) will miss you and Alison very much!

How can I recollect and reflect
or put into a dialect
a man… who ferociously follows his Father
a man… who sacrificially serves the Son
a man… who selflessly submits to the Spirit
with unbridled passion
and complete and utter abandon?

Jake, a confidante, comrade, companion
a journeyman, and fellow traveler
walking ahead, behind and beside
a shrewd sage, vociferously calling,
to us and them
to travel
“further up and further in”
no matter where you stand
urging you
upward and onward
to the love of the Lover
to the tenacity of the Truth
to the whisper of the Wind
to the glory of the Other One
and ALL the others
always becoming invisible
so the One who is unseen
can be seen
which is not he or me
but Him

Jake, one who limps
insistently sparring with I AM
plumbing the depths
of the living breathing text
beholding that sword
that has cut his heart and bone
wielding the weapon that has wounded him
knowing the hurt holds healing,
he unleashes its gentle fury
soothing and singeing us
wooing and bending us
carefully crafting communication
like a surgeon with a scalpel in hand
Like a scalpel in the hand of the Surgeon
He speaks
And then…
HE speaks

Jake, a man after God’s own heart
constantly considering and contemplating
the cosmos and its Creator
questions, queries, and quandaries
pealing back the surfaces
plumbing the depths of wonder and logic
yet these are not mere abstractions
studied in labs with microscopes
they are…
never mere constructions and conceptions
they are…
always communal relational connections
to the Lord of the Starfields
and how the stars fall to earth
shining light and glory in our dearth
clarifying confusion
illuminating illusions
restoring
hope

Jake, no sheltered pious monk
Isolated in ivory towers
He repels them
dispels them and even rebels
against them.
Imbibing beverages brewed and distilled
with the flavors of the ages.
A coinsure of scotch, vodka and vino
And oh the Belgium beer…
the Leffe Brown going down
and down and down
and
“oh yes I’ll have another”
oh so smooth…
Cigars, books and blogs,
justice, politics, rhetoric
protestant and Catholic
mountain biking and hiking…….

he also strokes the keys for those
who can’t
dreaming dreams of different strokes
for those folks
Rolling balls of techno-imagination
All for the release of redemption

It is with
Thanks, gratitude and admiration
Privilege, honor and delight,
that clutter my minds sight
As I recollect and collect
The memories of…
Jake, my brother
Jake, you are… and have been…
and will continue to be…
a reflector of his Image
a son of our Father
an ambassador of the King
and lover of the Love.

C.I.T.Y.

It was a tough week in the CITY so this is a little something I wrote:

The C.I.T.Y
Makes me cry
And wonder why?
Urban dwellers
shuffle the poor like papers
we are...
still separated by the shade of face
every one knowing their place
we race
setting a pace with…
no grace.

We are all…
Stuck and F***ed
Needing to see the need
The need needing to be seen
The needy needing to be seen
and
acknowledged by those who go to college
and choose to use
the system to
unintentionally bruise
those who inevitably loose.

Straining like camels
hitting our humps
squeeee…zing through the gate
like a gnat
who is too FAT
You see...
distance is the key
close but not too
“Roll ‘em up!”
‘Keep clean!”
“Lock the doors”
“Beware!”
“Is it safe?”

Deafened by distance, division, and disgust
Incarcerated by ignorance, indifference and individuality
Chained by choice, chocking our spirit
binding and winding and grinding
us and them up into self…
absorption
a paralytic contortion
of mind and spirit
with no relation, connection
simply isolation,
starvation
we are emaciated partners
needing nurtured nutrients
one from the other
but
busyness blurs
and blinds our beings

be still my soul!

smash and shatter the shackles
galvanize gentries without gentrification
bolster beauty without bureaucracy
garner generosity without greed
judge justly without jealousy
render restoration without relocation

may we be free to see
may we see you in thee
may we be you to thee
may they be thee to me

re: member?

RE: membering
Do you…
RE: member when?
RE: member when?
RE: member when?
RE: flecting
RE: collecting
RE: miniscing
the Story and ours
The grand meta-
narrative
The beauteous days
Frolicking like children
Sun beating down
Rays refracting
stirring up memoirs
of when and from whence
we were rescued
resuscitated, resurrected
RE: member? Or not
Real or virtual
who is to say?

our RE: collection is concussed
drive is full
Spinning looking for space
For memory to RE: place
It has been erased
RE: membrance, RE: moved
RE: miniscence RE: verted,
RE: call erased
RE: member us to YOU
RE: member YOU to us

RE: quiring tattoos
Indelible ink – never fading
Permanent fixations
RE: fresh RE: enact
Firing Synapses
Pumping Blood
RE: versing, RE: storing
Through…
Bread and wine
Doorframes and Tassels
Heads and hands
Post it notes posted
All throughout the space
Water, sprinkled or dunked
Family RE: unions
RE: telling RE: counting
the Story and ours
The old, old story
The grand meta-
narrative
Again and again and again
Over and over and over
RE: member the unserachable
RE: member when?
RE: member when?
RE: member when?
Let’s RE: member

DE/re mystifying God

I have been thinking about how sometimes our relentless pursuit of orthodoxy, right thinking, or absolute truth can nueter God and how our incarnational action, orthopraxis embodied truth can illuminate God. So I wrote a poem about it inspired by our recent conversation with Tony Jones and a song I been jamming out to by Citezen Cope.

Propositions Conceptions, Abstractions
Enumeration, Demarcation, Evaluation
Production, Reduction, Commodification
Delineation, Compartmentalization, Fabrication
Clarification, Explanation, Elucidation
Description, Abstraction, Consideration
Intention, Suggestion, Submission,
Predestination, Justification, Redemption,
Sanctification, Glorification, Systemization
Yeilding...
Alienation, Fumigation, Polarization,
Marginalization, Humiliation, Retaliation,
Incarceration, Captivation, Humiliation
not
Revelation
Salvation
rather
FRUSTRATION, AGRAVATION …
CONFUSION, EXCLUSION…

communication, incarnation, animation
trans-formation, pro-action, inspiration
personification, manifestation, characterization
reincarnation, identification, re-situation
visualization, actualization, representation
intention, depiction, determination
illumination, deliberation, implementation
gestation, relation, propagation
redistribution, reconciliation, relocation
reconstruction, repopulation, restoration
liberation, emancipation, recreation

VIBRATION, ELATION
REVERBERATION, REFORMATION

That is
Revelation
Salvation

Inspired by Citizen Cope, let the drummer kick

Chart and compass

A little something I worte as I am seeking to trust the Lord at this point in my life while I seek to navigate being a husband, father, pastor and student. Thanks to John Creasy who had our community sing this song a few weeks back.

Doubt and anxiety roll over me
waves thundering on the beach
eroding away vision and passion
tethers tied tightly
souring stomach
waking, wondering, worrying,
contentment a fleeting dream.
Waves loom larger still
white caps of ethics, Greek and Gospels
Booing and bobbing in their swells
will I be able to catch them?
paddling desperately for alignment
adjusting my board just so
what if it passes my by?
what if I catch it?
what if I catch it and
I cannot handle its immensity?
Throwing me into the surf
Spitting me out on the other side
Scraped, cut and bruised
fountain orifice spewing water
Choking and gasping for breathe

Jesus, Savior, pilot me Over life’s tempestuous sea; Unknown waves before me roll, Hiding rock and treacherous shoal. Chart and compass come from Thee; Jesus, Savior, pilot me.*

Not perceiving
You are my vision
no blindness in you
Not discerning
You are my voice and sift
no confusion in you
Not understanding
You are my wisdom
no unknown in you
Not trusting
You are my trust
no distrust in you
still…
wanting to clutch chart and compass for my own
wanting to see when you have shown
wanting to discern when you have not made known
wanting to go where you have not blown
wanting to know where I am go'in
wanting to see the seas unknown

When at last I near the shore, And the fearful breakers roar’ Twixt me and the peaceful rest, Then, while leaning on Thy breast, May I hear Thee say to me, “Fear not, I will pilot thee.”*

*Ed­ward Hop­per, in The Sailor’s Magazine (1871) and The Baptist Praise Book (1871).

bride and groom

Here is something wrote a few months ago about the tension I feel living in between an emerging/missional church and a Christendom/institutional church.

suits and ties gathered like stilted statues
seated oh so linear lee
proper and distinguished
yet unable to relinquish…
Control
Holding the baton with bitter faces
Disinterest and tiredness
holding so tight
clenching their fists ready to fight
battling’ so long
they forgotten the race their on
so…
Casually I stroll
To the microphone
and groan on an on
about the bride and her groom
and the impending doom
for the marriage is on the rocks
the bride has forsaken her mission
seduced by others distorting her vision
creating division,
and the need for an incision
with laser precision
to correct her distorted vision

but the problem is worse
20/20 says the bride – I am fine
stumbling fumbling bumbling along
cracking her shins
bumped and bruised for lack of sight
lost and lonely in the dark
her beauty tarnished from injury
her purpose unfulfilled – leading to misery
her groom grieving longing for her to find her way
then one day…
she stumbles upon a blind guide
who helps her anguish subside
a medicine man says he
who compels broken eyes to see?
these vibrations once spoken
penetrate and shatter her denial
longing to regain her sight
wondering if she still has the will to fight
the shaman enters the room
to her dismay it’s her groom
she gasps for breath
almost near death
ashamed at her nakedness
longing to be invisible in her distress
but he speaks words of tenderness


he calms her with his presence
holds her as the healing begins
it is painful at first
then sweet, bitter sweet
her eyes begin to water
her vision is clearer
her groom near her
she sees she has a daughter
he speaks to her – let it go give it to her
the mantel is braking under her clutch
the groom is patient and waits
with tears from the pain she relinquishes it
dropping to the floor
HE hands it to their daughter
Suddenly she sees clearly…